The compassion pause

As much as I long for lockdown to end and my freedoms to be re-instated, so that I can fully reassume the journey of my life, there have been many opportunities during this unique time to self-reflect and learn. I know that I am a driven person – if something needs doing, I will get it done promptly and (mostly) efficiently. However, this can be a double-edged sword when you have lots of balls in the air. You want to manage each one of those balls with the same efficiency as the rest, but as more balls get added to the mix, it’s almost impossible to keep them all in the air with the same flow and grace. In the past, if I dropped one of those balls, I would be bereft. I would think I was a failure for not being superwoman and doing absolutely everything perfectly. It would haunt me throughout the rest of my day and often into the next day. And that failure would start to affect all the other activities I did for the rest of the day. I might be eating dinner and my thoughts would still be spiralling to that sense of failure and worry about how I would fix it. I couldn’t leave it alone. This in turn would lead my thoughts into other areas where I considered myself a failure and on and on it went until something happened to change it – a good talking to from my husband or a friend or a good night’s sleep. Or it simply faded away with time.

In my pursuit of learning mindfulness and taking lockdown as the opportunity to give myself more time to explore new approaches, I have discovered the compassion pause. This is a technique which brings your awareness to the present moment, and kindly guides your thoughts and feelings away from worrying about the past or the future. There is so much which is out of our control – particularly at the moment – we cannot control what other people say or do, we cannot control the actions of our governments, we cannot control the unknowns of the future. The one thing we can be in control of is ourselves. How we respond to the curve balls of life, the emotional highs and lows of each day, our negative thinking patterns…. how we respond matters. It feeds into every area of our daily lives. The compassion pause – or what I jokingly like to call the ‘for goodness sake woman stop right now’ pause – is a beautiful way to take a moment in your day to stop, pause, take stock of what is going on in the mind and in the body and re-establish a positive balance between the two. This serves to calm the nervous system, can help to reduce stress in the moment and set us up more productively for the rest of the day.

The practise:

- This can be done anywhere but it’s helpful to sit down if you can

- Stop what you are doing, close your eyes (or soften your gaze) and ensure you are sitting comfortably, ideally with mindful posture and your feet touching the floor. You can rest your hands anywhere that feels right. I like to rest them on my belly.

- Take a moment to notice your breathing. Try not to judge what thoughts come up. Just keep bringing your awareness back to your breath.

- Start to deepen your breathing and slow down the inhale and exhale. You might find it beneficial to count your in breath and out breath, focusing on extending the count as you become more in tune with your breath.

- Whatever thoughts or feelings come up, don’t try to resist them. Notice them. Accept them. Then bring your attention back to your breath each time. You are simply observing what is happening in your mind and body.

- By focusing on your breath and observing your thoughts and feelings, but ultimately bringing your attention back to your breath each time, you will be practising self-compassion.

- This exercise can be practised for a few minutes or longer if you have time. When you feel ready to finish, allow your breathing to return to it’s natural rhythm, gently bat the eyelids open and slowly return to the activities of your day.

In a world driven by results, you may find yourself disappointed on your first go. What was the point of that, you might say. In many way, the practise of mindfulness is not about the end result but about the journey or the process of the practise. If you can, stick with it for at least a week and then consider how you feel. Sometimes a little can go a long way.